Children as the Catalyst for Forming a Tribe

By Lynne De Weaver

As soon as children are old enough to begin to interact with the wider world, the need to form a tribal bond becomes almost a developmental imperative. Because even though young children have little bodies – they don’t have little minds! It is in the first six years of life that the foundations of cognitive development are laid. 

So what is cognitive development? Quite simply, it is the growth in the way children think about and interact with their environment. Children learn about their world through active, physical exploration and develop the ability to think symbolically and logically about their experiences. Since children are such curious explorers of their environment, their cognitive development also involves learning new concepts and testing a variety of ideas.

In other words, cognitive development is the expansion of the thinking and organising systems of the brain. It involves language, mental imagery, thinking, reasoning, problem solving, and memory development.

Parents can take a positive role in the cognitive development of their children by playing with them, having conversations with them, explaining what is happening as they go through the day together, introducing them to new activities and environments, encouraging them to explore and experiment, giving them choices, reading to them, being interested in their interests, letting them know it is okay to make mistakes, and loving and being proud of them. It is also important to understand that in the first couple of years of their lives, children learn through observation, in fact, one to two year olds spend a lot of time simply observing and imitating the actions of adults. Primary learning is done through early exploration, and this really takes off at around three years of age. As children have more experiences in the world, their thinking skills are augmented through understanding a whole range of concepts such as grouping and matching. At five years of age children actively seek information and new experiences from the people in their environment.  Variety and richness of experience provide young children with the stimulation they need to construct their intellect and it is in this capacity that the 21st Century tribe plays such a crucial role.

Just like tribal groups of the past, 21st century tribes also have their own archetypal members; e.g. Elders such as grandparents or older friends, Peers who are your contemporaries and colleagues, Shamans or Spiritual Advisors, Young Bloods or Apprentices who are in the transition from childhood to adulthood, and of course, the young of the tribe, children and babies, all of whom have an important role to play in the spiritual, emotional and intellectual growth of tribal members.

However, before you begin to think about building your own tribe, you’ll want take some time to look at what you see as your own strengths and weaknesses as a parent as well as think about the opportunities you’d like to provide and share with your child. There is no right or wrong way to go about building your Tribe; it’s more to do with achieving a better balance in your life. It is also about providing your children with access to the people you think might be able to support the values that are important to you. Although it’s nice to have a circle of friends to ‘spend’ time with, it’s also important to be able to spend time with people who can help you to parent more effectively. I’ll never forget my Mother saying to me, “Lynne, when you have kids of your own you‘ll be determined not to make the same mistakes you felt we made when you were little – but you’ll inevitably make your own mistakes.” So with this in mind, don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that’s why you’re creating your own tribe!

While day to day family life incorporates a certain amount of ‘randomity’ it also involves making decisions as to what type of parent you want to be, how you want to achieve this, which direction you want to take, what sort of experiences you want to provide for your children and more. The answers to these questions will help give you a better frame of reference as you look at how to expand and enhance your circle of relationships and so that you can identify potential members for your own 21st Century tribe.

However, just as travelling companions can either make the trip pleasant and memorable or tedious and frustrating, so too can the people you interact with on a regular basis. But, unlike getting on a plane or train for a long trip, you’re in control because you get to choose your travelling companions so make sure that you choose people who share the same values as you and who can ‘go the distance’ with you. 21st Century tribes are all about mutual support just as they were in the past.

The dynamic of tribal reciprocity

While Tribal living has an important role to play in cognitive development it can also help children understand where they fit into the overall scheme of things. Part of the inherent dynamic and strength of a successful 21st Century tribe is that it allows experiences to be reciprocal in nature and it is through this reciprocity that all members are enriched. For example, one of the more successful tribes I’ve come across in the Northern Rivers has several Elders who are gifted musicians and, in addition to creating beautiful music, their lives are rich in the other values they hold dear. They share their love of music and their skills with some of the younger members of their tribe in a totally natural and unstructured way. And, it is through this casual interaction that some of the children in the tribe have learned to sing, dance and play instruments. But more importantly, not only have the children learned to enjoy and create music, the older musicians have also experienced a great sense of joy as they watch the children play and interpret music in their own way. It is indeed a special thing to be able pass on this kind of gift to the next generation.

However, the really important point to take out is this; the elders in this 21st Century tribe did not plan to teach these children music, but rather it just happened. The children saw and heard them practicing and became involved, first by watching, then by moving to the rhythms, then by dancing and finally by developing an overwhelming desire to express themselves, and their feelings, in this glorious new way. Although music is the exemplar in this instance, it clearly demonstrates the joy and support that members of a tribe can provide for each other through this type of reciprocity.


This article is the second in a series by Lynne H De Weaver, Dip. Ed. – Early Childhood, M.S. Education – Early Childhood. It is an excerpt from the book, The Tribal Connection that she is currently writing with her son Christopher. All rights reserved.

Published in byronchild issue 2, June 02