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Letters in issue 9 |
Love Notes
Thanks for a great publication. I am 30 and want to have a baby in the next few years but only since reading your magazine and realising that birth can be sacred and not in a hospital. When I read your magazine I want to move to Byron Bay. Thanks for the inspiration.
Amanda
NSW
After receiving a free issue over the internet I recently subscribed to byronchild. I loved the copy I received so much I also ordered the three back issues as well. I’ve read them from cover to cover (there’s no magazines with that much good info) all in a week.
I live on the Gold Coast and have found it difficult to find people choosing not to vaccinate and who are interested in attachment parenting. My partner and I have a little girl called Chaela she sleeps with us and hangs off the breast most of the day and night. She is always smiling (most of the time anyway), and we wouldn’t have it any other way. It has been a tiring 6 months but well worth it, we have felt.
byronchild is our new friend, one of the few reassuring us of the intuitive parenting style we’ve fallen into.
If there is anything I can do to help get your magazine out there at this end of the coast let me know. I think the Gold Coast could use a helping hand. Thanks for everything.
Karin, Richie, and Chaela
Queensland
Fathers matter
Your editorial (Dec. 03), Superman and Unsung Heroes is the most moving text on fatherhood I have read since Fatherhood Reclaimed. Making the case for fatherhood — and doing so as a man — is indeed a real struggle, and it is a real blessing to find people who have seen to the heart of the matter, especially when they are women. It has always pained me that my effort to be an involved father, which is so very obviously in the very best interest of my children and my wife, can be interpreted as everything but that — as invading territory that is not my own, of being ‘uncooperative’ (this of one of the most cooperative people you could imagine!) How often have I been reminded of such things as ‘but you must remember to keep the child’s best interest at heart’ or ‘but you must remember how women feel’ — as if these are not the things I think and care about every moment of every day. Why ever should I not care about these things? Is it not obvious that I have dedicated the last seven years to these things?
It has always struck me as amazing the extent to which fatherhood is regarded as expendable, even when this is so obviously in the worst interest of women. So, for example, the childcare strategy of the UK government paints a picture of a world with no fathers — and so the entire burden of childcare is heaped onto mothers. I cannot work out who suffers most from this, men or women, but for sure it is in both their worst interests. Or look at the way maternity services refuse to engage fathers — an approach that, despite the description ‘mother centred’ or ‘child centred’ leaves both mother and child without the support they want. My wife discharged herself from a maternity ward that had ‘mother centred’ written on the walls because mother-centred actually meant ‘father excluded’. This pattern is everywhere — based on the perception that any benefit to fathers is a potential threat to women. Does the policy of ‘benefits for mothers so long as there are no benefits to fathers’ achieve anything for anyone? As Doris Lessing recently wrote amidst much controversy, the most dangerous distraction of feminism — the struggle for opportunities for women — is disdain for men. This simply will not achieve the goals of feminism. I loved the last line of the article: the ‘beauty of this particular leap is that we have to do it together’. It is amazing how so much can be said in so short a sentence.
I love the quotation by Mick O’Regan at the start. But monuments are being made. In my garden is a bronze of a statue of an Afro-Caribbean father holding a child. My house is full of statues and sculptures and paintings of children being cared for by their fathers. These have all been left in my safe-keeping by the artist, Caroline Mackenzie, who for 20 years has been studying the theme of men as carers. Her best piece, a wood carving of the nativity scene, showing Mary having a rest after 2,000 years and Joseph cradling the baby, is set against images of the lotus flower and a bull — symbols of peace and male power and aggression. Thank you for writing the article.
Duncan Fisher
Director, Fathers Direct
Thanks for the latest edition of byronchild magazine. Another excellent read.
I liked your editorial (Supermen and Unsung Heroes, Dec 03). There does seem to have emerged in recent times a very real and unfortunate trend for fathers to be pushed out of their children’s lives in one way or another. I’ve encountered a number of websites on my travels started up by fathers who have been affected by that movement and some of their stories are so bitter they’re depressing to contemplate.
I feel privileged to have been able to spend a HUGE amount of time with my two children compared to most dads, having been the stay-at-home parent for most of the 18 years since our daughter was born — although I was working full-time (and long hours) in the ‘real world’ (!) for about the first two-and-a-half years of our son’s life when we were living in London and time spent with him throughout that period was unsatisfactorily intermittent and irregular. But, I did manage more than the 15 minutes a day that is apparently the average amount of time a father typically spends with his children, so I read somewhere.
This year, of course, after two years in school, Patrick has been at home with me all day and every day and it’s absolutely wonderful. I do like to say, however, when other dads tell me how lucky I am to have spent so much time at home with my children, that it wasn’t accidental. And, of course, you have to be willing to pay the price — in my case, the isolation of rarely meeting people who are sharing my experience, having to deal with people who think what I’m doing is a woman’s job, being patronised (or should that be ‘matronised’?) by mothers meeting me for the first time who assume that I know absolutely nothing about parenting because I’m a man, being stuck in macho conversations in the pub when all I can think of to talk about is children’s cartoons, people assuming I’m the breadwinner and the embarrassment of having to ask them to talk to my wife about our finances. All that stuff.
But, I also get to experience things that mothers have always had to live with but most blokes are never aware of, which I think is actually positive in terms of increasing general understanding of what parenting is really all about. For example, I’ve had to deal with people who think a neat and tidy house is more important than my children’s emotional development, or who think that my job is just to mind my children until ‘the professionals’ can take over, or who assume that I sleep in until noon and spend the rest of the day with my feet up in front of the TV. I’ve been told how lucky I am to have wonderful children when I know it’s nothing to do with luck; I’ve had excellent work treated as if it doesn’t count because I don’t get paid for it so it couldn’t be ‘real work’, and so on. It’s been a fascinating experience I would never have anticipated 20 years ago — no wonder I’m eccentric. I’d be amazed after all these years of such an unusual way of life if it was otherwise.
Bob Collier
Parental Intelligence
http://ezezine.com/home/586
Abortion vs. Conscious Conception
The Dec-Feb 2004 issue is amazingly germane this season. Thank you for the quality of articles, the aesthetics, and the love that is palpable on every page. It is the best issue to date, methinks. My teenagers really liked the articles geared to them and we had long discussions about ‘discipline’ (a.k.a. child abuse). Overall your ‘zine is a brilliant contribution to world peace, beginning at home (in Byron). In light of that theme, I read one Letter to the Editor in your winter Issue with keen interest.
I write with a query about the letter you printed by Michelle Wallace (reproductive health educator). I believe it was about my contribution on abortion. Often when a reader is critical of an article, the editor sends it to the author who can then prepare a response to be printed below the letter. The reader who disturbed herself over my piece made assumptions, interpretations, and then wrote as if I had written them. I now request the opportunity to respond to critical letters about my work and ask kindly that you print them together.
For over a generation in the USA and Australia, abortion has been politically correct and feminists have been discouraged from a fuller investigation by name-calling and accusations of being righteous. The Letters to the Editor would be a great way to deepen the dialogue plus clear up the essential misunderstanding most have about choosing life.
I was erroneously blamed for an ‘anti choice’ attitude and called ‘simplistic, middle-class, Anglo’, etc. and so the reader must have imagined who I was without knowing me. (Though I aspire to simplicity, not many would call me ‘simplistic’, my family lives at close to the poverty level, my heritage is Native American on my father’s side, and my maternal lineage is Eastern European.) Indeed, calling my article ‘anti choice’ is analogous to terming someone who promoted abortion as ‘anti-life’ — both are absurd. The reader, Michelle Wallace, missed the main point of the article!
Fertility awareness (conscious conception) is a choice, too. Lovers who choose to have seminal intercourse when cyclically infertile (unless they want to achieve a pregnancy) have a better rate of success than those who use contraception. Families who choose to learn fertility awareness not only have less chance of choosing abortion as a birth control method, but they gain an invaluable education.
At the most recent International Congress of the Association for Pre- and Postnatal Psychology, I was a panelist for the ‘Conflicted Pregnancies’ presentation. The current research shows that women making abortion decisions are in a self-preservation mode rather than a species preservation function (cortical instead of oxytocin hormonal response). Many later regretted their decisions and said, ‘I wasn’t in my right mind’ when they chose to terminate. I learned on the panel that most abortions are not done for teenagers, rape or incest victims, health issues, or other such pressing concerns. Indeed, most women having abortions say, ‘It wasn’t the right time’.
Perhaps now is the right time to educate our youth and their parents that there is a viable option to abortion — education in fertility awareness. Not indoctrination into the ‘cult’ of the reproductive expert who is sustained by the abortion industry, but education into self awareness by learning about cyclical fertility and how to act appropriately to one’s personal and altruistic prompting.
Yes, this is an ‘ideal’ — but isn’t byronchild an idealistic and practical publication? Conscious conception is REAL for multitudes of families as more lovers discover that abortion has consequences far beyond the event. When our investment is in awareness, we can transform the world from the beginning of life. Why not? Towards a World Where Every Baby is a Welcomed Baby.
Jeannine Parvati Baker
Joseph Utah USA
www.freestone.org
Going Cloth — again
article Going Cloth (Sept. – Nov. 03). Thank you. I must admit, I am one of those mums who felt the pressure to go disposable … after using cloth for the first four months, I was constantly asked ‘why?’ and was told by many that it was worse for the environment, particularly as we are in a very serious drought. I didn’t really have any answers to those who queried me, or made me feel guilty about the water. However, the most frustrating thing that I discovered was that most of the clothing that is made for babies does not allow enough room for a cloth nappy, I was always dressing Abigail in clothes 3 times too big for her, just to get the nappy in! Having just read your article, I am going to attempt another go at cloth … this time armed with a bit more info so I don’t feel pressured!
Tamara
Sydney
Photos perpetuate stereotypes too
I am writing to express my offence at the presentation of your special feature Ordinary Lives, Everyday Violence, in the last issue of byronchild. Having read with interest in your editorial about ‘decades of conditioning around stereotypes of mothers and fathers’, and ‘restoring fatherly dignity’, I found it a shame that the four photos used in the feature on spanking all portray recognisably male silhouettes perpetrating the violence the article seeks to challenge.
Your editorial also states that ‘the nuclear family has given way to single mother homes’. As many women are now the primary, often the sole, bearers of the responsibilities and stresses of parenting, this must surely mean that a lot of the spanking is administered by women, not men.
Let me be absolutely clear — I am not attacking or blaming women in any way. A publication like byronchild has the potential to raise readers’ awareness around issues such as domestic violence, including corporal punishment. Indeed, ‘the movement towards conscious living’ is a stated aim of the magazine. As such I feel it has a responsibility to consider carefully the images used in support of articles.
‘A picture is worth a thousand words.’ These pictures — with the male ‘shadow’ a looming, threatening presence, were facile, lazy and insulting. What a pity to see a feature with images which perpetuate the stereotype of men/fathers as agents of punishment and violence, and how inconsistent with the tone and content of your editorial.
Karl Farren,
NSW
An alternative to smacking
I’m an anti-smacker, so to speak. I’m finding for myself that it’s not always my children’s behaviour that is inappropriate. It’s my response to their behaviour that may need changing. Some things that annoy me may not annoy another mother.
Star charts are useless with my children so I have one for myself (yes I don’t mind you laughing). I put a star for every hour of the day when I handled a situation with compassion and patience (even though I could have done otherwise). I hope to teach my children how to not get upset over little things, and to gain inner strength for the big things.
My star chart is working wonders. I also make comments on the hours that I feel frustrated and am finding patterns in my behaviour and my children’s, and therefore can start to notice what my triggers may be. My children are also responding with improved behaviour, and greater patience with each other.
It’s working for me, and if I get 10 days in a row I get a massage. Yey.
Not really much to do with smacking, but it’s to do with how we as parents choose to respond to an outside situation. After all. we do have choice.
Jai-Srita
NSW
Kindred strives to adhere to strict advertising guidelines. Please help us keep our Google Ads in alignment with Kindred's values. Contact us with the URL of any ad on this page if you think it is contradictory to our content.Thank you. |
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The Chemical Maze
Over 70,000 copies of Bill Statham's shopping companion, The Chemical Maze had been sold by March 2007. 'Our mission is to assist people from all walks of life to become more aware of the potential health effects of food additives and ingredients in
Price: $ 20.00
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Wonder Tales of Earth and Sea CD
WARNING: This CD will ignite your child's imagination and cause them to listen to it over and over instead of watching TV!
Winner of the National Library of Australia's Special Award for children 4-9 years
Entertain the kids in the car, before bed,
Price: $ 30.00
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Kindred strives to adhere to strict advertising guidelines. Please help us keep our Google Ads in alignment with Kindred's values. Contact us with the URL of any ad on this page if you think it is contradictory to our content.Thank you. |
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Stand up to your Wife
In this extract from his book Manhood, Steve Biddulph looks at the need for men to stand up to their partners, to value the warrior that protects their emotional castle and to set rules to their passion.
Man As Loveable Dope
Most modern men, when fa |
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Ultrasound Scans - Cause for Concern?
Many women are choosing to have an ultrasound during pregnancy with no idea of the hazards involved for their baby. Is ultrasound an innocuous wonder that allows us to know the sex of our baby and watch him/her in the womb and detect some abnormalities, o |
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Why Aren’t Most Men, Men?
Throughout most of history being a man appears to have been reasonably straightforward. As you grew up you were surrounded by men doing their work, frequently you would accompany them, you would see the ranges of ways in which they behaved and approached |
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Give your child a head start in life through early childhood music
The first five years of a child’s life is a window of opportunity for laying foundations through stimulating experiences for their overall development.
Cynthia Ensign Baney, an early childhood music consultant and composer states that the opportunity to |
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It was the boy...
This is a story about Villawood—about why I went there, what I found there, and why I’m still going there today.
Once a hostel for newly arrived migrants who dreamed of a better life, today Villawood is an immigration detention centre for displaced perso |
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