Letters in issue 23

 
The Secret’s Out! (…or is it in?)

Editor’s note: of all the editorials written in the last six years, none have received the amount of attention as the last one, ‘The Secret—Chinese New Age Whispers’ (June – Aug 2007 edition). From ‘three cheers’ to ‘three jeers’ the response was as much divided as it was emotional. There was not enough room to publish every letter.


I am writing in response to your editorial on The Secret. One of the things I have enjoyed most about this magazine is the tackling of some pretty controversial topics. It’s a joy that within our like-minded community we still have such different opinions and values based on our own experiences, but with the commonality of striving for peace in our world and our homes, we are able to constructively value the opinions of others.

Occasionally, however, I find it very hard to understand the paths my peers take, and I’ve felt quite separate in my damning view of The Secret. I feel it is quite a well-timed, well-contrived religion for consumerism. What could be more successful than that?

Thank you for your well-written arguments. I hope some of those readers out there who’ve been swept up in this craze will jump off the bandwagon and back into conscious life. We don’t want the next generation to learn to put their own wants before the needs of others.

Cath Gribben
Bellingen


I saw Kindred in my newsagency today for the first time, and bought it with some trepidation, thinking that I may well have just blown $8.95. You see, I’m an attachment parenting, sustainable living, cloth nappy using wannabe hippy, but I’m also an active member of a sceptical organisation (scepticism is essentially a method that applies a provisional approach to claims and requires that application of reason to ideas).

In the past, I’ve found magazines that may be in keeping with my lifestyle ethos, but I have soon realised that they have no problem subscribing to the latest outrageous airy-fairy pseudoscientific babble that has been literally dreamt up by someone with little grounding in reality. It’s not that I have to surround myself only with ideas that are in keeping with my own, but when every second page is trying to sell a cancer curing, aura reading, magnetic angel, then I have trouble taking any good bits seriously.

So I was thrilled to open the magazine and find a debunking of The Secret‚ followed by thoughtful articles very much in keeping with my parenting philosophy. OK, so we will have to agree to disagree over the astrology section and I have a problem with homoeopathy, but apart from that I think that I’ve found a magazine that I can quite happily live with.

Eva
Email


Thank God. That’s what I said out loud when I read your latest editorial on The Secret.

For starters, the positive thinking philosophy is no secret, not since Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, a psychological approach to altering maladaptive, unrealistic, and negative thoughts in an effort to change feelings and, as a result, behaviour.

It is hardly revolutionary to claim that attitude and negative feeling-states can have an impact on what we can or cannot achieve. We’ve all noticed how telling ourselves negative things leads us to negative outcomes, and vice versa. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help rid a person of unhelpful self-talk, and this inevitably leads to more successful living — but this has nothing to do with mysticism!

It props up faltering dogma and bad science (actually no science) by relying on cleverly edited charismatic smooth-talkers, making it easy to miss the false premises, tautologies, innuendo, red herrings, straw men, non-sequiturs, and other varieties of fuzzy thinking. Being spiritual and open-minded does not mean being undiscerning and naïve. My father, a minister, used to say to me, ‘If it’s for sale, it isn’t the truth.’ Thank you, Kindred, for being a sane voice that invites us not only to use our hearts, but also use our heads.

Emily Rose Watson
London, UK



Congratulations on another issue that challenges tightly-held beliefs, particularly Kali’s editorial on The Secret, joining as she did a select few brave commentators who have dared to speak out against the demi-religious awe in which it is held.

The whole premise of ‘I create my reality’ rests upon the idea that the world is simply a reflection of who I am and what I think/feel. This actually denies the existence of the world outside of ‘me’. It denies that there are floods, hurricanes, earthquakes or fire that originate from somewhere outside of my control and that can affect me deeply.
One wonders what the Iraqis ‘thought’ to bring about the current war, or what the Tutsis did to deserve machete-wielding madmen knocking down their doors?

I had a friend who died recently from a brain tumour, leaving behind his wife and three young children. Some months prior to his death, he told me how he was slowly coming to understand ‘why he had brought this illness upon himself’. He believed that he had somehow attracted this tumour; that it was not something that had just happened either from some toxins in his environment or he was genetically destined to have. The poor guy was not only feeling awful about dying and leaving his young family, but also feeling massively guilty for causing the tumour because of his ‘wrong’ thoughts!

The Secret is simply narcissism dressed up as spirituality. ‘Get all the things you want’ is a great sales pitch, and in an infinite world is not a bad thing of itself. However, in these days of peak oil, climate change and environmental destruction at least partly due to our culture of having everything we want, it is foolish and irresponsible to encourage people’s greed. The Secret is popular not because it aims to decrease poverty, but because it aims to increase the possessions of the more fortunate.

The cult of The Secret will not allow any criticism, and will use bogus spiritual concepts to put down those who disagree with it like every other cult before has done. Be wary of false prophets, of greed’s various disguises that rationalise all kinds of selfish behaviour.

Ben Jacobs
Sydney, NSW



I am really upset about the article written in the latest Kindred about The Secret phenomenon. How you cannot see the positives of something so good reaching the mainstream world is very disappointing.

I felt the article was only from a personal opinion and, although I understand The Secret is not for everyone, it has a very simple but important message of your own responsibility and impact on your world. I thought Kindred was an alternative and more progressive magazine than the likes of mainstream media criticism.

I’m sorry but I’d like to cancel my subscription. Your magazine is just not for me.

Jo
email


Having read and felt inspired by many of your editorials I was surprised by your most cynical introduction to the last issue.

Is critical thinking really a spiritual practice? Spiritual teachers have always taught us to observe our thoughts but never to add more thoughts under the title of criticism. Criticism is synonymous with judgement and critical thinking results in a polarised viewpoint where suspicion and intolerance take the place of love and compassion.

Sure we might identify that which we do not like in what we observe but where do we wish to focus our energy? Is the presence of racism, elitism, poverty, oppression and terror in this world not a consequence of the collective mind state of humanity? Couldn’t a collective shift in our thinking relieve much of this pain? I felt that the rippling waves emanating from individuals in the film were an undervalued representation of the effect of our thinking!

The state of affairs in this world could be seen as a reflection of the fear that resides deep within us. This fear is rooted in our lost sense of divine identity but the pain and suffering we create because of it will eventually cause us to awaken. Eckhart Tolle calls this path the way of the cross, a crude but effective method of transformation through suffering.

The greatest gift of The Secret is that it offers us an alternative to the way of the cross. Many people are stuck in an old- fashioned, so-called spiritual, mindset that says suffering is an essential and inevitable part of transformation. I am sure that many of us have experienced suffering to be fuel for positive growth and know it to be effective. The Secret reminds us that we may also choose to follow our bliss.

The Secret certainly has a materialistic focus and I sympathise with many of your observations. What surprised me was that the bulk of the editorial consisted of sarcastic and cynical remarks. It is not critical thinking that enables you to discern between snake oil and truth but your conscious presence. I felt that in your criticism and in your focus on what you did not like you missed what was being offered.

The most we can contribute to the end of suffering in the world is to transform our consciousness. Actions will follow in due course. In a state of present awareness we can only discover what we are compelled to do. We may find ourselves working in the service of others, we may become the editors of fantastic and inspiring magazines that serve to create awareness in others or we may simply find bliss in hugging our next-door neighbour. It is through our conscious presence that we discover ourselves to be a humble part of a greater whole. Let us not get caught up in judgement for in our absence we may miss the offering of this moment.
(Edited for length)

Luke Yates
Email



I appreciate the points you made, Kali, in your editorial about The Secret and I have respect for, and concur with, many of the values you express. However, I find myself concerned that you may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Whilst I agree that there is a large amount of glossed-up selling of the idea in The Secret  I do think that this can be simply seen and acknowledged for what it is—the bathwater around the baby, not the baby itself.

This bathwater may appeal to some and not to others. It depends on what our ego or personality is founded on. The bathwater is I would guess designed to appeal more to popular or wider mainstream mental frameworks than yours. So be the science behind modern marketing!

That The Secret appeals to the desires of the ego is, however, I put to you, true of all spiritual paths. Ego or personal desires come in many forms according to our upbringing. The fact that we think we will receive something (that our small self wants) is the hook and also the source of final disillusionment at the end of any spiritual opening into oneness. For when we arrive there our identity and perspective has shifted from the small self to the oneness and we see that what we wanted was really just a mental representation of what we thought would bring us peace, joy, happiness, love etc— a mental representation that must be shattered or let go of before we can have the actual experience. Until we get there, however, we can only be motivated from where we are.

The baby contained in the bathwater of The Secret is, I believe, a very valuable baby—for individuals and the planet as a whole. The idea that we influence or create our reality by our thoughts and feelings is a window into a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world we live in. This idea is indeed backed up by current quantum science and also by ancient spiritual wisdom. The exact mechanisms may still be a matter of hypothesis, but opening our minds to embrace this possibility is the first step to experiencing it. Just as opening our mind to the possibility of the world being round was the first step to experiencing it. The result may be equally as important a step in the evolution of humanity.
(Edited for length)

Deborah Preston
email


‘Everything popular is wrong’ [Oscar Wilde’s quote in the editorial, ‘The Secret – New Age Chinese Whispers’  Vol 22] mmm...that rubbed me the wrong way immediately. I don’t believe something is good or bad just because it is popular or unpopular.

Kindness and compassion are popular, highly regarded attributes. This alone makes Mr Wilde’s statement questionable. The fact that he is quoted shows that this particular quote is well-known and popular. Isn’t that ironic! I am not a conventional person/parent, nor am I totally ‘alternative’. We do a mix of both attachment and conventional parenting, to suit our situation and needs—our baby being at the centre of our decisions.

I have received some criticism from both mainstream and attachment parents for this—I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when it comes to that. I dislike it when people, from whatever parenting ideology, decide to judge us. Not too many beliefs and practices suit every single person in every given situation. When things are put forward as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, the next step is to judge others as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I don’t support this from any group, no matter how honourable their cause. I believe in taking on beliefs and practices that resonate well with me/my family.

I found The Secret (yes, I paid for my copy) had a lot of positive, uplifting things to say and supported many of the experiences I’ve had. I can usually get something positive out of different learning resources even if I disagree with parts of the whole. I do this with your magazine. I think it’s a shame that a resource that has so many great things to offer can have a negative feel to it. I dislike it when I get categorised as ‘herbal/hippie/ alternative’ in a negative or amusing way by ‘mainstreamers’, and similarly, I also dislike it when ‘alternatives’ are happy to give blanket criticisms of the mainstreamers. I would love it if you could possibly try to focus on the positive more; however, I will continue to read Kindred as it is. Your magazine typically has a great deal of valuable and interesting info.

Vickie Hill
Email


Natural Birth Can Happen Anywhere

Rather than focusing on or favouring one of the places to give birth, it should be the choice of ‘natural birth’ that is, in fact, promoted. Whether it is in front of the fire or on the side of the road, in a car or in a bath, on a bed or on the floor or even the kitchen table, in a hallway, a doorway or at reception and admissions, in the garden or in a tree, in a river or a shower or even on the toilet; home or hospital, women can be empowered to know that they can do this, they have the option of giving birth to their babies. They can do it themselves, they can birth a baby naturally.

Bree Thomas
Menzies Creek, VIC


Going Chemical-Free

Thank you so much for creating a magazine that is not aimed at simply pushing products that look pretty, are baby powder scented and disinfectant frenzied!
I am a new mum in my mid-thirties living in a remote mining town in the north of WA, where choice is very limited, unless you get creative and use the Internet. I have not fitted into the mother’s group mould up here as I am still questioning vaccination options and ... I don’t use Huggies baby wipes! Your magazine has made me feel intelligent, justified and not so very isolated! I am not crazy for questioning, whilst everyone else around me just follows a well-trodden path! Thank you!

However, until just recently I, too, have been following a path blindly, trusting, in my blissful ignorance, that the products I was buying at my one and only local supermarket would be helping my family to have clean bodies and a clean home (very difficult amidst the beautiful red dirt!). I had no idea what was in these products. I blame my full-time career—no time to really notice the ingredients. I blame the product makers—we trust them to create safe products. But at the end of the day I was a blind consumer—not conscious of what I was really spending my money on. I am currently in the process of clearing out all our household cleaners, our skin care and cosmetics, and I have you to thank for that. I never thought that I would be spending my money on products that cumulatively have the potential to harm my family. I live in Australia!!! But I guess we still sell cigarettes, don’t we?!

I love that I have found in your magazine a resource that promotes safe local products. Thanks for opening my eyes and empowering us all to be more conscious consumers.

Kelly Prime
Tom Price, WA



Thank you, Kindred and congratulations on your great feature story ‘Chemicals & Cosmetics’ June-August 07 issue.

As a manufacturer of natural and non-toxic products for nearly 18 years, it is very exciting to be part of the evolution that is currently taking place in the cosmetic industry. Articles such as these serve as a vital tool in educating consumers in an honest ‘no hype’ way of true natural alternatives. As consumer awareness increases, more and more we are seeing the words ‘natural’ and ‘organic’ displayed on cosmetic products.

It’s a simple case of supply and demand but unfortunately this can also and often does, lead to false claims and false advertising. Many large cosmetic companies are jumping in on the ‘natural’ bandwagon and producing so-called natural products to sit alongside their chemically-ladened lines. It would be great if these products actually were ‘all natural’, but unfortunately this is more often not the case. Many of these lines still contain the same toxic chemical cocktails used in their other ‘non-natural’ lines but with the addition of a few natural oils and herbs and different packaging and voila! Be aware that even some of the well-known reputable, organic, cosmetic companies may have a couple of products in their range that contain questionable ingredients. So be sure to research each product, not just each manufacturer. More than ever before it’s a matter of buyer beware!

If you are one of the many who suffers with skin conditions such as eczema, psoriasis, dermatitis and other allergic reactions, it’s never been more important to read labels, research ingredients, ask questions. On the other hand, if you are one of the few lucky ones who have little or no skin problems, remember a switch to true natural products is better for your long-term health and just as importantly for the health of our precious planet. Thanks Kindred, keep up the great work!

Corinne Sparks
QLD



Three Cheers!

I wanted to let you know that the last Kindred that came out was the best one ever! It was amazing! I loved every article and it really gave me a push to let go of our control over Willow and work on that connection instead (we have always been into connection but we do control a lot around him instead of talking and explaining things).

Arun’s article [‘From Control to Connection’ by Arun Pradhan, Vol 22] really made that solid for me. Letting go of control has changed so much for us. What we need to acknowledge on a daily basis (it’s still a work in progress and I imagine it will be for some time) is that our son already has it worked out; it is us, as the parents, that need to learn to live in that natural wonder and spontaneous joy of every precious moment. If I can be with him as a partner on this amazing journey, then I think I am giving him so much more than I ever could by sheltering him from what challenges me (junk food, TV etc.).

And while we live a healthy, organic existence, I have decided not to be so dogmatic about it all and allow a little more flow to come into our lives and grace our kitchen, which was initially a challenge because of my naturopathic background. But I really believe in what Arun is saying because I can see the patterns from my own childhood, especially with food.
I also meant to tell you that I thought the editorial rocked [‘The Secret – New Age Chinese Whispers’, Vol 22]! We turned The Secret off after half an hour because we were so appalled. It’s great to see such a grounded, common sense approach to it, actually it was more like pure relief! Everyone that comes to my house gets to read Kali’s editorial and it really makes people think.

Melissa Macdonald
QLD


I wanted to take the time to let you know that the issues that I have devoured of byronchild /Kindred have been so deliciously refreshing and congruent to my deeply intuited, heartfelt and soul-felt beliefs about attachment parenting, unschooling, connection-based families and living in harmony with all living things and our planet, that I am almost overwhelmed by the excitement of reading them cover to cover!

My 13-year-old son loves the magazine’s philosophy and articles, too, and he enjoys learning Australian words and trying to figure out with me what certain words mean!
I literally mean it when I say that Kindred is the most important magazine on the planet.

Thank you so much for a magazine that validates and supports my beliefs.

Laurie A. Couture
USA



Thank you, Kindred, for creating such a wonderful resource for natural parenting in Australia! I wanted to comment on the article, From Control to Connection, An Unschooling Journey, by Arun Pradhan in the June-August edition.

I was interested to see a viewpoint offering an ‘alternative to the alternative’ regarding education, raising the issue that learning is not just from 9am-3pm weekdays, 9 months a year, but a whole life experience. It seems that in this region so many people are focused on raising their children to be spiritual beings, that we forget that they already are spiritual beings, if we’d just let them be.

It starts to look like kids are being manipulated by ‘alternative’ parents just as much as they are by ‘mainstream’ parents, the only difference being that they are manipulated into eating raw sprouted linseed bread, rather than meat and three veg.

I love the ideas of radical unschooling; of just letting our children blossom into the people they want to be. Of course we are there with them, supporting and guiding, leading the way. But without forcing, coercing and manipulating.

With so much focus on Steiner education, enforced vegan diets, restricted television, controlled playtime and such, it is refreshing to hear about parents raising truly free children, learning without hindrance.

Ela Forest
Huonbrook, NSW


Looking for Stories

I am a mum to my first-born child, Julian, 10 months, and I am working hard on compiling a book about pregnancy and babies to acknowledge the joy and wonder that comes from experiencing a pregnancy and a relatively natural birth. I am looking for writers from Australia to submit to this book which will be a collection of short stories, anecdotes, poems, comics and pictures depicting the joy of life within. Articles can be about anything to do with pregnancy, birth and new babies and parenting. Deadline for submissions is October 30, 2007.
(Edited for length)

Rochelle Manners
unbornbeauty@wombatbooks.com.au