Letters in issue 12

Politicisation of Love

I just wanted to drop you a quick line to feedback how good your article is. A wonderful blend of humanness and science, passion and rationale. Thank you for sharing it.

Adam Foster
Executive  Officer
NAPCAN (National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect)
www.napcan.org.au


Thank you, Kali, for challenging the political correctness of child-care for our youngest children. I found this quote, from Peter Cook, especially powerful;  ‘Something is very wrong when many women in the world’s most affluent countries cannot afford to breastfeed and mother their own babies.’ Our society needs to acknowledge that devoted mothering, in a child’s early years, is an irreplaceable and long-term investment in the health and wellbeing of our society. We only need to look at the  US, where maternity leave is generally 6 weeks, to realise the harm that can result, for our children and our society, from a lack of mothering. See the article Home Alone America for an analysis of America’s ‘new approach to motherhood’.  http://www.policyreview.org/JUN01/eberstadt.html

And our political agendas are indeed warped when Mark Latham announces his intention to persuade stay-at-home mothers into the workforce. I hope you are sending him a copy of your editorial.

Sarah Buckley
Brisbane, QLD


Thank goodness other people are seeing through this politicisation of our children, particularly those early years. I actually felt like crying as I read your editorial. YES (I kept feeling), we lose touch so quickly with ‘what is important’ when we are sifting through the masses of information and media, trying to politically pick the best outcomes for families based on the information provided, working in the ‘factory’ and losing sight of that necessary emotional, sensual attachment to the children. Thanks, Kali, for the timely reminder. I know my children will be receiving a somewhat renewed mother tonight, reminded again about the strength of love and the benefit to our children. Its not that I wasn’t aware of this, I think I was so caught up in the political rhetoric and factory I think I lost sight of it for a bit. Thank you professionally and personally.

Deb Hall
Ocean Shores Parent Resource Centre
Ocean Shores, NSW



The role of religious systems in early brain development

Once again thanks for spearheading such a great magazine. It just keeps getting better and better. It is so refreshing not to be bombarded with the usual commercial mind-fill. Anyway, I just wanted to share some insight into a concept that has come up in the magazine, one article in particular, and I think it needs clarifying a bit. In the article titled ‘How Culture Shapes the Developing Brain and the Future of Humanity’ by James W. Prescott (Mar – May 2004), Dr. Prescott makes the comment that the ‘role of theological/religious systems ... these moral/religious values have turned ... parents against children and children against parents’. He then goes on to quote scripture (hugely out of context). When I read this I was very, very angry. I understand that this is not a forum to discuss one’s religious beliefs and I will respect others’ beliefs by not doing that. I do feel, however, that Dr. Prescott has not done his research.

I will take no shame in stating that I am a Christian and I try to parent accordingly, however, this does not mean that I smack my son or pretend to wield a demeaning authority over him. I practise attachment parenting and I parent according to the principles that Christ himself practised, ie to be merciful and to be compassionate, and to ‘not offend these little ones, for whatever you do to the least, so you do to me’. I believe that Dr. Prescott should have made the distinction that the religious institutions which also have wrongly interpreted original scripture and then taken them out of context have created this separation, the Faith itself has not. I feel that Dr. Prescott was merely doing the exact same thing as the institutions that he denounces.

I don’t mean to get on my bandwagon and risk offending people, but I felt that this was really important. So many people now are anti-Christian because of these great atrocities. But being a Christian doesn’t mean you have to just be Catholic, or Anglican, etc. A true Christian is someone who reads the Bible and interprets it to follow Christ’s example (with his help). After all, the tenets of most spiritual beliefs nowadays is to be compassionate and love one another.

Anyway, if anyone is interested there is also a great website on attachment parenting from a gentle Christian perspective: www.gentlemothering.com

Michelle Carnochan
Email


James Prescott responds

Michelle’s major point is well taken, as valid attacks and criticisms of institutionalised religions are often confused with attacks against the individual believer. The history of the theistic religions have well established themselves as religions of violence and not of peace and harmony where suppression and violence of women is a common ground of the theistic religions that is compelled by their patriarchal structure.

These cultural forces existed long before the rise of the monotheistic religions but the theistic religions placed these dynamics into cultural concrete, which is very difficult to change, as the continuing history of world religious violence attests. We have to ask what is wrong with these theistic religions that they cannot learn to live in peace and harmony with each other and other cultures of the world that have differing religious beliefs. The Papal and Spanish Inquisitions are just one example of this brutal violence in the name of God and religion.

The following essays help explore the roots of religious violence against women and children and why and how the psychobiology of true spirituality has been betrayed by the theistic religions. The basic question is how is the developing brain of an innocent newborn/child encoded and programmed for a life path of peace, happiness, love and egalitarianism or the other life path of violence, depression, hate and authoritarianism. These are the two basic life paths of the individual and of human cultures and we know how they are formed. See the following links and essays.

• http://www.violence.de/prescott/women/article.html
• http://www.violence.de/prescott/ttf/article.html
• Prescott, J.W. (2002). Evolution of the Sexual/Spiritual Connection: Mother Bonding and Sexual Love. Abridged version published in Spirituality and Sexuality, Autumn, 2002. http://www.ttfuture.org/services/bonding/research_01.pdf

There are peaceful and loving Jews, Christians, Muslims and other theists but they are in the minority, as the history of religious hatred, violence and warfare attest.  The role of religion is very relevant to our concerns, as I have expressed in the following and many subsequent articles.— http://www.violence.de/prescott/bulletin/article.html and http://www.violence.de/politics.shtml

However, I do strongly object to Michelle’s comment that ‘Dr. Prescott has not done his research’ and ‘he then goes on to quote scripture (hugely out of context)’.

See http://www.violence.de/politics.shtml and the attachment on my review of Mel Gibson’s Passion that was published in The Ithaca Journal. The religious violence against women and children continues today where children are used as suicide bombers in the name of their god and religion; however, the sacrifice of children to the gods is common to many religions throughout history. The continuing history and magnitude of child abuse, particularly sexual abuse of children, teens and women in Judeo-Christian and Muslim societies attests to the failures of these religious systems.

Michelle should know that I was raised Roman Catholic with my undergraduate training in a Jesuit university where, at that time, minors in philosophy and theology were required for Catholic students — a subject matter that I find very relevant to understanding the psychopathology of human cultures. My biblical citations are not out of context.

I would like to conclude that parenting existed long before the monotheistic religions appeared on this planet and that the nurturing family values of the matrilineal cultures existed long before the monotheistic cultures came into existence. No    person has the right to inflict harm or injury upon any person in the name of their god or religion, rights which the theistic patristic cultures continually claim they possess.

James W. Prescott PhD
United States


Circumcision

Infinite thanks for printing the articles on circumcision in the last (June–August 04) issue. The articles were indeed illuminating about a subject that is almost completely avoided and repressed by males and females alike. I have since written my own article about the subject and the spiritual/social reasoning for why we have done it and continue to do it to our fragile little boys.

I have always been reminded of what was taken from me without my consent by my ignorant parents and the ‘all knowing’ medical community in America, by the little tiny bit of skin that is left on my lingam after this butcherous operation, and never knew or was ever informed by anyone, including new age magazines of today, what was taken from me — until now.

ZaKaiRan
Email


Hi there. I love your articles and find most of the information useful and enlightening. But as a young mum in Brisbane with parents of an era where alternative theories were ‘hippy thought’, my expertise is only slight though I do try to keep up with what time I have... I can’t help but feel guilty and like such a bad parent after reading byronchild. 

There is so much info about issues such as EC, behaviour management and vaccinations that although I ‘get the message’, the wording and passion that should benefit the article leave me feeling quite stupid and lazy. In reality I’m doing the best I can; I have my two boys on my own with a new partner, a new baby on the way and my partner’s 10-year-old son every two weeks and holidays. It’s hard, and sometimes, actually a lot of the time, I’m worried I’m doing it all wrong and then I read your magazine and it turns out I am.  

I don’t know, maybe my vibration isn’t resonating at as high a level as you folk in Byron??? What about info for step-mums? How about info for merging families and what is beneficial in the way of personal relations with the other family? What about the kids’ rights if they want to move to their father’s house. How about that it’s okay to still use cloth nappies and to tell your children that sometimes bad behaviour is not appropriate so they learn to function in this society (unfortunately) surrounding them, particularly when they are involved in a second family where expectations may be very different. 

I see each child, family and techniques to child-rearing, unique and individual. I love my kids and my stepson, but going through the turmoils of break-ups, meet ups and the past family unit put a lot on my plate. I don’t have a desire to have to know when my child wees and feel hurt to think somehow I’m not as close to my babies as those mums who do EC. The fact that she will be happy and healthy is my main concern and the knowledge that all my kids will grow to love themselves and the world around them, to appreciate life and those around them and to know how it feels to be loved and give love openly. 

I am a pagan and share my beliefs with my kids but I will never insist they do things as I do or ridicule them for doing things as they see right as long as their actions are full of love and thought, it is their choice. I just think great advice can be given as long as it does not claim to be the right answer taking into account we all are different and that communication cannot come from a sense of exclusiveness. Buddhism for mothers has been an inspiration for me. It is a book about acceptance of yourself and all that accompanies motherhood; with the acceptance of ourselves comes relaxation and acceptance of the trying times of our children and the knowledge that ‘I’m okay’ being passed to them through our own actions.  

Your child can be potty trained by 10 months, eating only organic foods, and attending a Steiner school but if they have no confidence, feel completely alienated and foreign to those around them, it all means nothing. Just as a child, potty trained by 18 months, eating some organic foods, attending a state school and is vaccinated means very little when they have a love of mother earth, know the value of his/her voice and can adapt and communicate beautifully with those around them. Thanks for listening and keep up the great info. Just spare a thought for the little people.

Pixie
Email


Kali responds

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. Your letter reflects the thoughts of many with whom I have spoken over the years.  I agree with you completely — we each have our own way, and no one can ever really say if, ultimately, any way is any better than any other. I would certainly not rate myself at the top of that imagined list of ‘most perfect parent’.

In response to your request for articles for step-parenting and blended families, we have many. Lost Children, Lost Society — portrait of a post-modern family (Mar–June 2003), and I Used to Have a Life, Now I have a Bigger One: life as a step-dad (Dec–Feb 2003) to name just two. Our website, www.byronchild.com, is a great place to source articles of interest.

My aim in bringing together content in byronchild magazine is to bring information that is normally unaddressed in mainstream media. It is not meant to be any kind of moral high ground or a conclusive guide to parenting. Its content is simply meant to be added to the soup of all the other information one picks up along the way so that decisions are made based on getting the WHOLE picture and not just part of it. Unfortunately such material can easily threaten us because it has been hidden from us all this time, or because we find ourselves in a culture completely at odds with our ability to make these sorts of choices easily, if at all.

How to hold it all, without blaming ourselves, feeling guilty and feeling like a bad parent? Some choose to vilify the articles and information. Some try to attain perfection and beat themselves up when they can’t.  And others just withdraw. But all three strategies miss a most profound invitation. It’s where the true spiritual walk of parenting reveals itself. One must have, in my experience, the willingness to be pierced by the pain of such a dilemma and the capacity to sit in such a paradox. It is in that our children will find refuge, love and wisdom. And from that they learn how to walk in the paradox of a human life, too. And you won’t find THAT in any article or any book...it simply has to be lived.

byronchild is not just a magazine; it is a spiritual invitation. I am most happy to meet you on this journey.