For the Love of our Daughters and our Future

By Moana Pearl

Imagine a group of pre-pubescent girls, their mothers and friends sitting in the afternoon shade weaving, or sewing, or preparing food. There are giggles and stories and cackles and songs and heartfelt sharing. The scene seems simple, timeless, so natural as to nearly be insignificant ... yet held within this scene is the future ... the spoken and unspoken transmission of a fundamental understanding of what it is to be a woman.

As a mother of a daughter who is ten or more you may be experiencing a long awaited sense of freedom, time to explore what your needs are as your girl becomes more independent. But wait ... this is such a crucial time for her as she begins to approach her menarche, as her body reflects her new status as a young woman. She will search for meaning and definition from within and from without. Do you feel her classmates, or the general public will feed her the true reflection of herself? Or the media? The media bombards our daughters every day with messages to reinforce that women are a commodity. The images are less than empowering and the overemphasis on external imaging breeds fear, insecurity and competition.

The early adolescent years are as formative as the first years of her development ... she is birthing herself anew. She needs all the support she can get, all the patience and mentors you can provide to establish her relationship to herself as woman, her relationship to the world at large, her trust in her body and its cyclical nature, her sexuality, and her sense of place in the wheel of life as woman. This will provide her with a context within which she can continue to grow and change.

By around eleven she has the intellectual and emotional capacity to question, discern, and contribute to the circle of women (sisters). Her first sister in this world is you, her mother, and her trust of women, her confidence in herself as woman can be heavily influenced at this time by your availability to her, your willingness to open yourself to her and allow her the space to learn to trust WOMAN (and effectively Mother Earth herself).

This may all be uncharted territory for you, too. The past few generations have not emphasised the importance of these years nor the importance of reverence for woman’s body, mind and soul. Nor have we ever been in such a precarious ecological moment on earth. We can no longer afford to disregard the obvious historical correlations between a society’s treatment of their women and its treatment of the earth.

I have researched extensively many other ancient cultures  and also indigenous cultures still surviving today. One fundamental theme runs through them all as a common thread. The most significant  ritual for every culture is the ritual of the girl becoming woman. Held within this celebration and honoring is the fertile ground  (literally and figuratively) for the future of the tribe. Their physical, spiritual and conscious survival and evolution rely heavily on the women of the tribe. The children they will bear are the fruits of the future.
We cannot, nor do we want to, attempt to recreate the past or the “ancient ways”. None of us will be returning to loincloths, digging yams, or human sacrifices. Rather we can look into the deeper essence and intention of ancient social structures and rituals and find ways to express OUR understanding of life’s journey and our humble prayers towards the future through rituals and celebrations that have meaning NOW, that touch us personally and transpersonally.

Through years of facilitating women’s gatherings I have heard women grieve the loss of the wisdom from their mothers and their “aunties”, the greater circle of sisters. Defining ourselves as an individual woman does not mean isolating ourselves from our birthright; our female lineage of wisdom and experience. In our modern culture a young woman or girl must prove her individuality or maturation by renouncing her mother, when in fact she will need BOTH: her individuality AND her connection to her mother and the many mothers of the generations gone before her. Unless we attempt to embrace our mothers, her issues and her shortcomings, we will perpetuate the rifts amongst women rather than transform and heal. ”We can be sure that whatever qualities about our mothers that make us cringe, live somewhere in us. These very qualities are in fact keys to our healing”. (Anna Davidovich).

I perceive the breakdown of the mother/daughter relationship in our culture to be a crucial factor in our collective soul famine, expressed through our symptoms of addictions, self destruction, lack of respect for our earth, and teenage suicide statistics ... there is a sense of belonging and connectedness to all of nature inherent in the healthy mother/daughter relationship. How will our daughters mother our future unless they themselves have felt this sense of belonging to the earth and to a collective sisterhood?

Girls need to experience WOMAN through the collective MOTHER. This includes friends, mothers, grandmothers, aunties and even strangers. Mothers also need to tap into a larger resource of perspective and experience than our nuclear family culture offers us in our everyday lives. When women come together as a group with the intention of healing, bonding and recognition of each other’s unique gifts, magic happens. Respect, self-acceptance, compassion and a sense of belonging begin to fill the spaces of confusion, isolation and self-doubt that plague all women in our competitive society. The messages that permeate are: “We are not alone; We each have an equally important and unique role to play in the circle of life. Together we can do what none of us could do alone.”

What may seem like simple gatherings shared with girls and women could have significant socio-political impact toward future generations... perhaps it is a small step but I have witnessed its subtle and powerful impact on girls and mums and communities. If you have any sense of grief or loss of what was or wasn’t passed down to you from your mother and aunties, if you have any reservations about how this culture really serves your needs as a woman, then now is the time to make a difference with your daughter or niece or adolescent friend.
blessed be

Moana Pearl has been facilitating women’s groups and rituals for the past 14 years. As a mother of two she feels passionate about restoring peace and continuity to our currently fragmented society. Dreaming on a new paradigm, she sees the ‘re-membering’ of the sisterhood as an essential ingredient towards global healing.
Contact: moana@linknet.com.au or ph. (02) 6684 9394


Published in byronchild/Kindred